This is my 101st blog post. These are my thoughts. They're boring. Don't read them unless you like being bored.

For some reason this week I have been feeling deeply content. Today, I biked around campus for thirty minutes after eating dinner, humming hymnals and just truly enjoying life. I saw the same group of tourists twice and they must have thought that I had nothing better to do, just biking around. I don't know why, but the sun after the rain is particularly ambient. The rain has the effect of diffusing the sunlight to make creation more "created" than before. Is it no wonder that Jesus says "streams of everlasting water" will issue from those who believe? Is it no wonder that the Spirit is not just characterized by fire, but also of rain? However, everytime I arrived at a beautiful place, I felt the urge to move on. And so, around and around I went, to the north and to the south, on my circuit. (Eccles. 1:6) I felt as if my home would definitely be around the corner, definitely around Holder, around Firestone Plaza, McCosh Courtyard, but there was no satisfaction there. I wonder sometimes, if this is the longing for heaven. Finally feeling at rest, where I do not have to keep continually searching for a new, livelier, more verdant place. Every nook of Princeton, I have proclaimed, "Conquered!" and it bores me to no end, so I feel the drive to seek out new places of experience. I thought I might experience it in Manhattan, a center of hubbub and activity; human life manifested in all its wicked and beautiful forms. But even Manhattan became boring. Museums twice-gone, the same roads conquered, many things to do, but without the former spirit. So, now I wait, maybe when I travel to Ireland, I will be able to experience it for a bit longer? Perhaps its more potent than Manhattan! But, could it be that not even the world holds such a place? That every beautiful place loses its beauty, that all magic eventually fades into sober thought and rationale. For once I want to be captivated by the beauty of a place that is Beauty, or be captivated by the Person who is all Beauty.

A sobering thought: I had thought Paris to be beautiful, but another found it ugly and boring. Parisians longed to travel to Manhattan, as I longed to travel to Paris. We're both in the same predicament; we both long to be somewhere we are not. C'est la vie, non?

I sometimes forget that God has been good to me. That I am truly undeserving, and that every time I am disgusted by other people, I remind myself, "Jae, how do you look to God?" Surely, he is more reviled at my sin than my repugnance towards someone's demeanor or action. And if this is the case and he still loves, than I have no other excuse, but to submit and ask God for forgiveness; Father, you have accorded me much mercy, but yet I have not shown mercy for a smaller debt. In accordance to the standard of perfection, I have fallen short many, many, many times. And I still continue to fall short (I admit my weakness not to make myself strong, but that Christ might be strong). How does Jesus want me to be perfect?

I went to Mass yesterday, and I was deeply ashamed of the Christian body. It was obvious to me, that many people came only to take the body and blood. One of the songs was, "How can I keep from singing." I was the only one in my row and in the back row who was singing. How ironic. That a song like that be chosen to a congregation who boldly proclaims through their staggering silence, "THIS IS HOW I CAN KEEP FROM SINGING." Their silence mocked the mass throughout its entire duration.

Passing Thoughts: Sometimes I wonder why I am not the same person I am to someone else. It isn't that I feel differently, but only that I act differently. It isn't a mask trying to cover up some insecurity, but just a statement. "They" do not have a uniform perspective of "me." I have a uniform perspective of "me." Some probably think I am too loud and out of line, while others think that I am intense, serious, and whatnot. Someone told me that when I speak, I sound well-read. I am not well-read at all. What a troublesome separation between me and you, what a gulf of difference in awareness.

Final Thought: I could really go for some pie right now. Chocolate pie, Ice-cream pie, Pumpkin pie, apple pie. Or, some really good Indian food. Delicious.