I can't help but wrestle with my future. It's natural, I think, to plan out a future that is normal, accepted, relatively-successful, and positively boring. I don't want that, at least, right now I don't. I don't want to graduate, go immediately to "x" graduate school or seminary, then become a pastor. I don't want to even go back and work to "get some experience" for the future. I do not want to get married, get a financial job, build "capital", start a family, and waste life away like every other person. Why not live life interestingly? Abnormally? Erratically? (Well, at least that's what they say my life would be like) They say, "Jae, you have to be practical about the future" and "Take my advice, when you're older you'll see the value of money." I get it, well, at least I understand it, though I can't help but take such advice as one thats only perpetuated a stagnant cycle of birth, mediocrity, then death. "Money is good. It influences others. You can use money to help other people." Since when have I cared about money? God can raise children of Abraham from stones, so a trifle for God to provide financially! Or, even if he doesn't, won't it only better me to serve His kingdom? (Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to adopt poverty as a virtue...) I just want to live a life that is worthy of a disciple of Christ. (A struggling, poor, hypocritical disciple.) I want to be a servant to whom Christ will proclaim, "Well done, my GOOD and FAITHFUL servant!"
I guess, that might be the heart of the issue. Christian is not a label, and (I think I am too harsh, maybe), I think it's advisable for people who have embraced the world and its traditions to kindly remove that "title" from their list of accolades so that the world has no foothold for slander. (The sages of old proclaim, "Return to a genuine faith!") Gah, I don't know. Still, let us return to our lord. I guess I'll just join a monastary some day. Too bad I'm not catholic, but, what an envious tradition. Forsaking all for the sake of the gospel, institutionalizing it even to help the brothers help the needy. Maybe, we can start a protestant monastary! Although I doubt it will fly very well....
Who knows. Maybe I'll grow up, go to grad school, get married, start a family, drive a Volvo, vote Republican, and enlist my children in the Boy/Girl Scouts. Sigh, what a boring life I do not want to lead. Ha.
1 comment:
you can lead an ordinary life in an extraordinary way. ordinary is not necessarily boring, in fact, i think ordinary is rather exciting :) don't be different for the sake of difference, unless you have something specific in mind. I dont want to have to see you starve, jae han. haha jk :P
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