Procrastination

1:33 AM

I refuse to work on Hebrew. I have more important things to do.

I wonder sometimes how life would be if I was insane, I mean, I think I am already weird, but what if that was extreme? Life would be pretty interesting.

I was talking to my sister yesterday, and we both realized that at the very core, we are completely irrational. Seriously, completely, devoid of cogency. This logic and reason we use is just our exterior, its the conventional thing that needs to be done to facilitate organization, human interactions, society, civilization, etc. But lurking right below the surface, is this lunatic just dying for a chance to expose himself.

Case #1: Waiting for the NJtransit train to take me to NYC. As the train approaches, I am suddenly overwhelmed by a desire (curiosity?) to jump right in front of the train. Just for the experience, what it would be like. I'm not depressed or anything, but I just get that feeling. I'm sure I'm not the only one, but, quite unsettling, is that I imagine every train suicide to go through the same thoughts that I had... so in a way, I've made the first baby cognitive steps.

Case #2: My sister sees a cliff. Far, far below. She wonders... and catches herself in her thought. Why start thinking that? But not just be curious of it, but desirous of it. Weird.

That's it. I'm sleepy now. I'm not depressed, I'm just being honest. I think alot of people have similar thoughts (I hope).