What I learned or reaffirmed in Hebrew School *aside from Hebrew

To recognize the substance of people, to love it (which often hides under the person him or herself), and of this, I am increasingly assured by Paul: Christ in me is to live, to die is to gain.

I admit that the past few weeks I have not been a "good" Christian. I drank more in these few weeks than I have probably in the past 2 years or so, danced in a not so kosher manner (in Christian terms, let's just say that there was no room for the Holy Spirit). But increasingly I am moving away from the language of strength - which includes the "good" and "bad" - into the language of weakness. I am not quite sure yet what this means, but that it defies categories simply by refusing to accept them as worthy of strength. however, insodoing, it does not mean that it refuses to acknowledge the religion of strength, but rather, chooses another, the faith of weakness, and only the weak faith is genuine.

The journey of faith begins in weakness and continues in it. The great reformed claim: faith is not a choice, nor is it something given to those who want it, but, it is by God's good pleasure to deem to whom he will gift. weil said that God must have been absolutely separated from this world, in order for the world to exist; in this sense, the atheist is right in saying, there is no God. All scientific evaluations of the world - and this includes the history as a scientific subject - are to be given free reign over scientific truth. but, as I plagiarize from weil once more, I know whom I love, and I tell you that this love is genuine - in this sense, God is real. I know my faith is real, and that my love for God is real. But God is hidden, and we blind ones and spiritless ones still live in the moment of dereliction: eli eli lamah sabachtani?

I wonder what it means to be weak. I feel that weakness is the only way that God can be manifest in this world; and though we sing, "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do," we know that he operates in weakness. Therefore, we must reject the strength of the church, because strength is artificial, and the love that it provides is not genuine; the love of strength and the love that proceeds from it is paved with cultural subversion, religious imperialism, and political domination, as history - our record of strength - shows. But the faith of weakness, the quiet vehicle of grace, is unnoticed, away from loud rallies, from passionate rededications to pentecostal piety, or even our own will, which is the seed of our strength. The weak faith is strong in its silence, and though it is invisible, it animates the impulse to love. to exist in this weakness is best. To be strong is to be deaf and blind, and to be hard and dogmatic.

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Just realized after I wrote this, that this is all Kierkegaard. He says it much better than I can.