Why does it seem that I am always losing more than I am gaining? It already seems too late; I had waited for high school to begin in anticipation of finally 'starting my life.' Then, until I got a car; then college; and now I'm thinking, 'The beginning point of my life is my first job.' Then , until I get married, until a family, ...etc... until I retire, until I rest! What a grand illusion! Altogether living in the future I find myself so unconcerned and apathetic of the present, this vital moment. It's frustrating watching myself always waiting and waiting, sometimes I get impatient over this everpresent lethargy. It does seem that we take this life much too frivolously, thinking always of the salvation of tomorrow, and not the reality of this day. This isn't angst, this is realization, revelation, that I had wasted so much time not hoarding my life experiences. God, I hope this isn't a Quarter-life crisis. I'm too young for that, I swear!
Say not, "Why were the former days better than these? " For it is not from wisdom that you ask this. " Ecclesiastes 7:10
What is it about my childhood that intensely attracts me? It wasn't comfortable, it certainly wasn't care-free; it was worrisome, startling, mildly neurotic. Maybe... (cue anti-climax) I've read too many books on what youth is supposed to be like and somehow conflated that into my own memories.
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